• kmelion

Walking your child down the aisle

I want to preface this by saying we HAVE spoken to our Rav and will get further clarity from him but I would like to hear personal stories and other opinions some of you may have received about this 'issue'.

Walking your child from your previous marriage down the aisle.... did you and your ex walk him/her down? Did the mothers walk the bride down and the fathers walk the groom down?

I asked our Rav who looked it up and basically he said that according to the source he was reading (and I'm sure there are multiple sources), it is an Ashkenazi Minhag (Eastern European tradition) that a married couple should walk the Chattan (groom) and Kallah (bride) down the aisle. IIRC, the book specifies the Minhag (tradition) of women with the Kallah, men with the Chattan but does mention 'Minhag Americai' (American tradition) for one set of parents to walk down the Chattan and another for the Kallah.

I'm curious if this holds true for Sephardim as well. (Although I'm fairly certain the Chattan is Ashkenazi).

I'm not sure what my ex wants to do, but I have every intention of walking my daughter down the aisle. (The Chattan's parents are also divorced, the father is completely out of the picture and I have no idea who walked his married sister down the aisle).
  • ruchel

Ladino as first language

My husband was listening to the weekly Ladino hour on the Jewish radio, and the speaker said that today he wasn't aware of ANY family where Ladino was used as the FIRST COMMUNICATION LANGUAGE between the members.
I would like to know if you know any family corresponding to that definition? You don't have to give details, just "a family with three kids in Turkey" is enough, though details are welcome. IYH.
short hair

(no subject)

Hello, I'm new. I'm due with my first child in September.
I'm Jewish, my hubby is not. But he agreed he wants to raise the child Jewish. We're having a boy, and we know we're going to have a Bris.
Now my family and friends are fine with this. (even a lot of my anti-circ friends are respectful of my religious traditions)

I'm having a problem with lots of...well, I guess trolls, telling me I'm horrible for doing this to my son. And refusing to listen to or even remotely respect my religious decisions.
I have to admit this concerns me. I'm all for people having different opinions about circumcision, but I find that the majority of people are downright disrespectful of my religious beliefs. I often wonder if these are the ideals they will pass on...that if someone disagrees with you it's ok to call them awful and disrespect their religion and personal beliefs.

Anyone have any tips on handling this?
This behavior always pissed me off before I was pregnant...so I know I'm not being more overly sensitive about it.

(no subject)

I know this isn't a very active community, but I figured I'd ask my question here.

My son was born 5 1/2 months ago. At the time we didn't have a Bris for him, though we did have him circumcise.

Next month (in fact, in almost a month exactly) we are going to my family reunion where my Uncle, a Rabbi, is going to perform a naming ceremony.

Except, we don't have a Hebrew name picked out. We could get away with calling him David, since that is part of his first name, but I'd rather pick out a separate one (and this is coming from someone who could also use her first name as her Hebrew name, and does cause she isn't a fan of her Hebrew name).

My son is named for my father and grandfather (not both David, but he has a hyphenated first name). I feel that if I used either of their Hebrew names, my sister would strangle me then and there. My husband is Jewish, but only found out about it a couple of years back and picked out his own name (long story). He says he doesn't have a strong opinion, and that the only person he'd want to honor would be his grandfather who was Catholic and, more over, doesn't have a name we can easily use (my husband has his grandfather's name except for the middle name, and that's Valentine).

How did people here pick out their kid's Hebrew names?

What to Pay

Cross-posted everywhere!

What would be a reasonable amount to pay an almost-10-year-old for light-responsibility babysitting (I'll always be here), light housework, and also perhaps organizing/babyproofing.

And while I'm at it, (and so I don't have to ask again) what about the same duties more or less, what would you pay an adult? What about a teenager?


ETA: My baby is 4 months old.


This community has been SO quiet for SO long! I hope it's not dying!

Here's a hypothetical question that interests me greatly .... What do you do if a child in your life comes up to you and says, "Hey, Adult That I Trust, my parents told me [fill in the blank with something obviously untrue or not completely true]. Is that true?"

I don't believe in lying to children, but I also don't believe in driving a wedge of mistrust between a child and his/her parents. I realize it would depend on the question, the nature of the misinformation, and the age of the child, among other things, but I still can't really imagine how I would handle it.

What if a 4-year-old wants to know if his deceased pet is "with another family?" What if a 2-year-old says, "Is it true that only grown-ups can drink Coca-Cola?" What if a 10-year-old girl wants to know if you know about "God's special way" of bringing babies into the world, which in no way resembles the actual birth process? What if an 8-year-old says that she doesn't need to wash her hands because "we all share the same germs?"

How would you handle these scenarios? Give me some others, too: real or imaginary situations and how you have or would handle them.

an amazing book i need to recommend - Ace of Spades by David Matthews

this is my first posting. hello! my name is sarah, and i'm half black half jewish. my mother is jewish.

A friend of mine recommended a book called 'Ace of Spades' by David Matthews (you can find it here: http://tr.im/iGsu), and I love it so much. I'm half way through it and I can't believe how great this book is. It's so funny and personable. There are moments where I have to put the book down and just burst out laughing. But wow, is it well written! David Matthews is poetic with his words. Truly astounding.

Here's a brief description from The New Yorker:
The son of a Zionist white mother and a Malcolm X-admiring black father, Matthews, in this memoir, is a boy without a race in a city, Baltimore, that requires him to choose one. The story of racial pinball is not entirely unfamiliar: the black kids reject him as too light-skinned, the whites as too broad-nosed. But Matthews displays improvisational verve—blacks are "burnished" and "browned butter," and whites are anything from "alabaster" to "a puffy marshmallow in Baltimore’s steaming cup of cocoa"—and narrates with the vigor of a movie script. Indeed, it is on television that, as a child, he finds the clarity he yearns for. "I was a living contradiction of elements that shouldn’t have been," he writes at one point, whereas on TV "everything was black, or white, and a lot like life."

Really, i can't recommend this book more! I love it! Have you read it?

here's the author, david matthews:
Naomi in Sunglasses

What to say?

I grew up in a community with a sizeable but not tremendous Jewish community. It was normal to be invited to both Bar Mitzvahs for Jewish friends and Confirmations for Catholic friends. We had High Holiday off, and often Passover as well. And what happened to us yesterday, I can't imagine it happening where I grew up.

We were out, and my husband was holding Naomi. An elderly woman, my guess is that she was in her 70s or 80s was nearby and admiring and cooing over the baby. And she proceeded to tell Naomi (who is eight and a half months old, so this question is really a future reference kind of thing) that "Jesus loves the little babies." Nothing more than that, but she said it several times..."Jesus loves the little babies....yes he does."

Now as an adult, I can certainly say in a firm but polite way that we're Jewish and while we appreciate her good thoughts and wishes for us, Jesus isn't a part of our lives and that we're very happy with our spiritual relationship and all that. But children don't have that same ability to express it in a firm but polite way, and it's entirely within the scope of possibility considering where we live, that Naomi will come in contact with well-meaning adults who say this kind of thing to her.

So...child-friendly (in other words, vocabulary and concepts that a toddler or pre-schooler would understand) but polite responses to adults who might say similar things to her? I ask because I don't know what to expect from a preschooler, as my daughter is still an infant.

Thanks for your help.
elana 16 months
  • sonsah

Cute toys

I just got an email from a local store that has a couple cute Hanukkah/Judaica toys for sale with a $5 off code. Just thought I'd share because I remember there was interest in these kinds of toys a couple months back:





There's a few others you can find by searching "kidkraft"

$5 off code: ONEDAY5